New loves

By the way, I got my first mp3 this Christmas. An I-pod shuffle! Although it is only a 1GB, I've already fell completely in love with it. And because of it, I am falling in love with Ben Gibbard. Everyone must listen to Death Cab for Cutie's We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes and the Postal Service's The Give Up. Gibbard is the lead singer of these two bands and these two CD's are absolutely wonderful. Any other good CD's I should look into?

Creativity, please!

I am reading The Bohemian Manifesto.
Not because I am Bohemian, but I secretly wish to be one.
I love the arts, but sadly I am not artistic.
And I have too many material things that I simply cannot live without
i.e. my cellphone and Jeep unit.

I would love to be a writer, but as you can tell from my blogs...I can't write. Once in awhile, I'll come up with some wonderful piece of work. In the fourth grade, I wrote a short story about a heroin and a witch that won an award...I wish I could find that! In my junior year of high school, I wrote a story about a cheerleader who had an affair with the basketball coach. That was pretty awesome. And most papers I write turn out getting high grades--so why do I lack creativity when it actually matters to me? I want to write poetry, I want to write a book or even the comic with Mish, and I want to write journal/blog entries that will actually interest my audience.

At least I am going to school for something I am passionate about. Now, only if I could get through all those stupid classes that I have to take, but have nothing to do with my major!

Oi.....

Top Five Cities

It's been awhile since I have posted anything, but I do check up on Mish's blog quite often. She and her husband were doing this whole "five cities" thing that I wanted to join in on.

1.NYC--I haven't been there, but I am infatuated with it--the whole idea of it. The Sex and the City lifestyle (without all the sex) appeals to me. I would like to teach at a college there someday.

2.Milwaukee--I think Milwaukee has such a better feel to it than Kenosha does. I plan on getting my teaching certificate or master's from UWM, so most likely I'll live there sometime soon.

3.Chicago--Another place I would like to live, but its way too expensive and has a high crime rate, but it has a really great theater scene and other arts. If I can't get out to NYC, maybe I'll find a job there and teach.

4.The Twin Cities--I loved going there with Michelle and I regret not having gone back since. Maybe we should make a trip?

5.Madison--another one in Wisconsin, just for the fact that I hardly ever go anywhere outside of Wisconsin. I like the shops and the college atmosphere, but I don't think I could actually live there.

I'm in the same boat again...

Remember my last blog when i said my depression comes at random times? Well, here it is... It hit me yesterday and hasn't gone away.

Let's begin again!

I decided that I come off as depressed in all of my blogs, when that is only partially true. Depression runs in my family, and for me...I have the mildest of all of the cases, it hits me at random times. For the most part, I am a happy person.

School has started again. I was waiting for it, but somehow I wasn't ready. Although, I did end off the summer with an excellent trip to the Renaissance Faire with one of my best friends, Jamie. We had a ton of fun. Definitely the most fun I've ever had at the Ren. Faire. I also had my wisdom teeth out the week before, which wasn't pleasant what-so-ever. There was some complications with it, seeing that my top right tooth slipped up into my sinus instead of coming out. My dentist got it out but it left me with a very sore mouth. I bet you really want to hear about that, right?

Anywho, like I said, school has started and I wasn't quite ready. I got all of my supplies at the last minute and I still don't have all of my books. That's because they are VERY expensive this semester. If my boyfriend wasn't in most of my classes, I'd be spending over $600 on textbooks. That is just ridiculous. Instead, my boyfriend and I are splitting the books. I honestly only enjoy about two of my classes, those being english and yoga. Here is my schedule if you are interested.

MW-Spanish 103 from 3:30-5:20
TTh-American Politics 8-9:15 w/ Josh and Brianna
Modern and Comtemporary Literature 9:30-10:45
Intro. to Philosophy 11-12:15 w/ Josh
Environmental Science: A Biological Approach 12:30-1:45 w/ Josh
F-Yoga 1-2:50 w/ Jamie

This semester actually seems like it's going to be a lot of work for me. I'm not good with learning new languages so Spanish will be tough for me. I love English, that is why it's my major but I heard my professor is hard. Yoga is definitely relaxing alghough it seems like I can never get the positions down. But, even through all of my bitching, I am excited for this year. I am challenging myself with taking on all fo these classes and hopefully I won't procrastinate like usual. Wish me luck!

Kenosha is...

Kenosha is proven to be the 2nd most stressful city in the United States to live in. Some factors contributing to the stress levels are high rates of suicides and divorce.

Should I spell that out for you?

Are men so dense that they can't figure out any kind of hint he's given or understand why a woman is upset?

Growing up?

I think so...


The other day, I found myself saying to my boyfriend, "I'm not making dinner tonight, you're eatin leftovers!" This to me is a sign that I am gaining some maturity.

Friendships coming to an end

Just a quick question...

Would you remain friends with someone you felt has changed into who they never wanted to be--the complete opposite of the person you became friends with in the first place?

Because this is happening to me. At first, I tried to see that these changes were for the better and that she was becoming a happier person. Now, I realize that she's being happy for the wrong reasons such as partying, drinking, having boys lust over her, and being way too involved with materialistic things. She's not around when you need her and then she makes excuses for it instead of saying sorry. If she does apologize, I never feel like she actually whole-heartedly means it. She thinks that I'm stubborn and mean. And I am. I have always been that way, so why does it come off as a suprise now? I'm not the only one who feels this way, our whole group of friends does. So how can a group of people be the problem as opposed to one? Does democracy count in these types of things?

We both really just need to let this friendship go...as sad as it is, but it's not going to work out. Our personalities clash and we wont work on anything to make it better.

I really need advice or someone's input. I don't care if I know you--I need people's opinions in this.

Clarification

I guess in my last blog, I made it seem like Josh was the root of my unhappiness. But, I would like to make it known, that he isn't. He doesn't make me unhappy in life, he makes it better. Our relationship isn't perfect and sometimes it overwhelms me.

What I believe to be the core of my problems is where I live. Kenosha, the third largest city in Wisconsin with the views of a small hick town. The population is 100,000, I believe. It even beats Green Bay, but not Milwaukee and Madison.

A couple years ago, I went to the Twin Cities with my "mentor", Michelle Marschel. Being there, I realized how lame Kenosha really is. Piercings and tatoos are tabooed here, whereas in Minnesota, we could go into a fancy restaurant and the manager would be tattoed from head to toe and have a piercing in every single orface (sp?) of his body. It felt good being there. Like, I could look totally outrageous and not have people look at me like I was crazy. That's what I need in my life--to be in a place where I feel like I'm not being boxed in. My boyfriend agrees with me so we have come up with a solution to my problem, which I will get to in a moment.

There are two things that my boyfriend and I need to be doing in our lives right now. Those things are going to school and working. I want to be an English teacher, so I do have to go get a degree for those who are thinking that I don't have to go and he wants to major in Spanish and Education to either teach the Spanish-speaking or English, which I believe is nifty. I have been going to the local University here in Kenosha and he will be joining me this upcoming semester. It's not that I don't like my school, the professors are great and I enjoy my classes. The problem is that outside of class (and sometimes during) it feels like an extension of high school. I was over the high school scene before I even hit my junior year. I was even planning on graduating a year early to get out of there, but complications arose in my life and my counselor and I decided it would be best to wait. So to fix staying in Kenosha and going to UW-Parkside, Josh and I have to decided that we are going to apply to transfer to three other univiersities: Madison, Milwaukee, and the Twin Cities! Ever since I went there, I have always wanted to go to school in the cities, but it was out of my budget and if I have my boy with me, it'll be easier. Madison is actually the one we are hoping for because it's still in Wisconsin and I get free schooling here because of the GI Bill (my daddy is a veteran). But, seeing as Madison is kind of hard to get into, we are also going to apply to Milwaukee. Even though we don't plan on going anywhere until after this year is over, knowing that I'm actually going to be doing something to get out of Kenosha helps unwound me.

As for work, I just got a new job last month which pays nicely and the hours are great. I have been working since the summer after my freshman year of high school and it's kind of a relief to not have to work so much to get the money I need to support myself. It's definitely going to help when school starts since I'm taking on 18 credits! Also, I can easily transfer to another store in a different area.

Sorry for this blog being so long! I hope you enjoyed reading it if you could even make it through the whole thing.

I need something new

I have been dating the same guy for over two years now. Most of the time, we have this great relationship and I definitely love him. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him and having his children. This was something I never wanted before he came along. He made me realize that I do want to take on all those roles only a woman can fill. People might say that I am too young to be thinking of marriage, but most of my friends know that I am mature enough to handle it, plus I have been with the same person longer than people who are older than me have been before they got engaged.

Josh is wonderful. But, let's face it, our relationship is dull. I need a drastic change in it. I don't know what it could be though. We did break up at the beginning of the year, but got back together soon after. We realized that we are really crazy about eachother. From there, we got our own apartment with one of my best friends. Some people would say that is a big change, but not really for us because he basically lived with me at my parents house. We are an old married couple without any of the benefits of actually being husband and wife. We do things that we know will upset one another and we don't change anything about out relationship. We argue, make up, and then basically have the same fight a week later.

I don't know what it is, but I haven't been very happy with my life lately. And it's not only my boyfriend, he is just something that is bothering me right at this moment. Maybe I'm just being hormonal. But, I honestly need a change in my life and I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?